Survey
by lovers.dreamers.me
Summary: Various newsies are stuck in inschool suspention. A survey is given to them to occupy their time and to get a slight insight into their lives...and why they're there. SLASH


Joseph Pulitzer College Preparation School's In-School Detention Survey

Question 1: Why are you here?

Jack: I was caught having sex under the bleachers. What? Are you actually surprised?

David: I let Skittery cheat off my math final.

Spot: I broke a window when I was slingshotting rocks.

Oscar: …no comment. Damn. Mr. Denton says I have to answer. Stupid survey. Whatever Jack said. Only I can explain…

Mush: I'm actually not too sure, though it might have to do with filling Mr. Weasle's desk with opened condoms. Hee hee.

Blink: Because my parents love each other _very much._ Ha ha ha just kidding. I tried to kill a kid with a saw in woods class… Just kidding again. I graffitied the bathroom stalls.

Skittery: I cheated offa David's math final. And for once, I think he's more freaked out and jittery than me.

Question 2: What incouraged you to do this action?

Jack: I'm horney. Always.

David: I felt really bad for Skittery because he's not very good at math but he tried really hard.

Spot: Cause I was bored.

Oscar: You can't leave me alone, can you?

Mush: It was a brilliant flash of an idea. And condoms were on sale at Walgreens.

Blink: This school sucks and I thought I needed to tell all the little freshmen and the nerds who love this hell hole.

Skittery: I forgot to study.

Question 3: Do you plan on repeating your action?

Jack: What kind of a question is _that_? Duh I'll do it again.

David: No.

Spot: If Fate says that my slingshot goes haywire and makes the rock go not where it's supposed to then yes.

Oscar: YES. There! I fucking said I like having sex with Jack Kelly!!!!!! Can you leave me alone now?!?!?!?

Mush: No. I'll find something else to do, though.

Blink: Probably, to be honest. It was fun.

Skittery: I sure hope not.

Question 4: Do you think your parents understand you?

Jack: Parents? What parents? I could kill myself in my own living room and they wouldn't notice for a year. They leave me to die of the plague! Or hypothermia! (whatever the hell _that_ is)

David: Well, uh, I guess so. They don't not understand me.

Spot: Like I talk to them.

Oscar: Who needs parents? All they do is nag at you.

Mush: Where did _that_ some from?

Blink: My dad's a drunk shithead. Do you think he cares?

Skittery: Parents are so old fashioned. They don't even know what a light bulb is.

Question 5: What is your opinion on Christmas?

Jack: Well now this is getting random.

David: I wouldn't know, seeing as how I'm JEWISH.

Spot: It's an over commercialized holiday where stores overprice everything and little rich kids get especially greedy

Oscar: I hate Christmas.

Mush: I love Christmas! Everyone's so happy and singing and smiling. It's so nice!

Blink: Snow is fun. We have killer snowball fights.

Skittery: It's cold. And there's always icicles falling from the sky and bashing innocent depressed teenagers in the head.

Question 6: What is your biggest fear?

Jack: Snakes. "Snakes on a Plane" almost gave me a heart attack.

David: Geese. I was attacked by a goose when I was little, so I've never liked them since them.

Spot: Hershey Kisses. Don't ask me why, I have no clue.

Oscar: I'm not scared of anything…Except people finding out I'm a pansy.

Mush: Tropical Fish. I saw this special on Discovery Channel once where this giant tropical fish ate all these people…or maybe it was the sci fi channel…

Blink: Clowns. They're freaking scary. They go around killing little kids and eating their parents and they're just too happy looking. It's creepy.

Skittery: Planes. I don't wanna die.

Question 7: Who is your least favorite teacher at this school?

Jack: Mr. Weasle

David: Mr. Weasle

Spot: Mr. Weasle

Oscar: Mr. Denton

Mush: Mr. Weasle

Blink: Mr. Weasle

Skittery: Mr. Weasle

Question 8: Name the most important thing you learned in any class this week.

Jack: You can make your own beer. How cool is that?

David: We were learning algarythems in math. They were really interesting.

Spot: That Racetrack is gay. I always knew he was a closet case…a very hot closet case.

Oscar: As if I pay enough attention to remember.

Mush: As an actor, you need to emote. Without that, there is no character.

Blink: There have been a lot of cross dressers throughout history. It's true. I swear.

Skittery: My toe bones are called Phalanges. Is that the coolest word ever or what?

Question 9: Have you been enjoying your day so far?

Jack: Yeah. I've had a lot of mental sex.

David: No. I feel miserable.

Spot: Kinda. It's boring, but it's fun making faces at Skittery. He's kinda cute too.

Oscar: Not at all. I could be cutting school but no. Here I am.

Mush: My butt hurts. THERE IS PAAAAAAIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!

Blink: I've plotted my next graffiti spot. And the one after that. And after that. And after that. Be afraid! Very very afraid!

Skittery: No. Life sucks.

Question 10: Have you found this survey helpful in any way?

Jack: No, but I got to tell you about my sex life (kinda).

David: It made me realize I will never, ever, EVER, break rules again…EVER.

Spot: No, but I'm supposed to be in gym right now and I'm laughing at all the people in my class.

Oscar: This better be confidential.

Mush: How? I mean, you asked me about Christmas and what I'm scared of. I already knew that.

Blink: See question 9.

Skittery: No. It just made my hand hurt.

Question 11: Any final comments?

Jack: This survey sucks. I'd rather be fucking my sexy boyfriend Oscar Delancey under the bleacher right now.

David: None.

Spot: HA HA THE REST OF MY GYM CLASS HAS TO PLAY FRISBY RIGHT NOW!!!!!! HA HA HA!!!!!!!

Oscar: This better be confidential.

Mush: Have you ever had eye sex? It's fun!

Blink: There's a post-it note on the ceiling… And who the hell's gonna read these things anyways?

Skittery: I'm _bored_. Hey! School's out! Skittery has left the building.

**Fin**

**Okay that was completely random. I was soooooo bored I have no clue where that came** **from…**

**Feel free to review it, though. But be nice. I've had a crappy day and I'm _not afraid_ to be mean…**

**Plus, I'll really like you if you're nice to me :0D**

**v**


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